To Hope or Not to Hope!!

To hope or not to hope? That's one big question on my mind right now. And the worst part is, I have equally compelling arguments for both sides. My eternal philosophy has been to not expect anything from life, basically live on no hopes. At least then you're not hurt when your hopes are dashed. And I've found myself vindicated pretty often, inasmuch that I've always managed to take the bad falls in my stride. I do not know whether I'd have been able to do that if I'd always 'hoped' for the best.         
              
 But then, it does seem quite a loser thing to do; not hope. I mean the people who said 'hope sustains life' definitely knew their stuff right? Plus, it's not like I myself have never hoped for anything, I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. Of course I've hoped for things, maybe not expected them, but certainly there was a glimmer of light in a corner of my mind. But then the sane rational part of my mind has never been bereft of self doubts. Good or not I dont know but that's how it always has been.

But of late, I've started questioning my philosophy more than usual, supplemented, of course by watching a video of 'The Secret' on youtube and a second-time viewing of 'Shawshank Redemption'. If hope indeed is that good a thing, then why hasnt it been good to me? Most likely because of the huge bags of negative emotions I've been carrying. But then again, the question is can anyone have a positive frame of mind at all times?? I mean aren't self doubts gonna creep in even in the most self- assured of people? The game of statistics again I guess.

But my greatest question right now is, can I afford to hope? Well if it was left to me I'd let things remain the way they are; 'hopeless', in a manner of speaking. Change doesn't come easily to me. The niche I've carved for myself seems too comfortable a place to leave. For right now I can atleast think that I may someday be able to overcome this barrier and start hoping. But the day I hope and fall, I don't know whether I'll have enough strength to stand back up.

But there is something that I do know. I will never be able to live with myself until I try, until I know for sure that this is what is good for me, until I have lost all hope of hoping! I wont ever know if I have the strength to get up until I've fallen; and whatever else I might be, I'm surely not this, a coward. What will come, will come; and I will deal with it. But for now, I HOPE.