He found himself climbing the stairs to the terrace. Cries of other people calling out to him to join the revelry fell on deaf ears. He was in an entirely different place now; where nothing and no one could reach him. The rooftop was a relief. It was quiet here. He knew what he had to do. It was the only way. He didn’t know how he knew. Jerry had never been much of a believer in God but now he had a strange feeling that God was the pied piper who was making him do this. Well he was thankful to God then. He felt the chilly wind blowing against his face, and the tears running down his cheeks. He looked around, saw the shimmering lights of the buildings around him, tried to take it all in one last time. And then, and then Jerry jumped. And it was all over.
8:00 am, 17th September, 2009- Jerry wasn’t a morning person. No, that he was not. But today was different. Today was his 25th birthday and today; today Jerry would finally have what he wanted most in life. Later today he was going to pass out from the Harvard Business School. And that was what his life had been all about since he could remember. Attribute it to obsessive parents or his own obsessive nature; this is all what his life had ever been about. So it was understandable why today was so special for him. So, even his groggy sleep filled head was busy making plans for the day ahead. Picking up his parents from the airport, introducing them to Laila, renting his graduation robes, and on and on and on.
10:00 am, 17th September, 2009- Jerry hated it when things didn’t work to plan. He’d been waiting at the airport for half an hour now and he was irritated, something that happened way too often for anyone’s liking; he remembered Laila saying. Deep breath in, deep breath out; he kept telling himself.
4:00 pm, 17th September, 2009- Jerry arrived at the venue out of breath and just in time for the graduation to start. Although he was making a desperate effort to maintain a calm exterior, it was very obvious something was wrong. Especially conspicuous was the fact that only one of his three guests was accompanying him. But he kept repeating to himself again and again, ‘nothing can go wrong today! Nothing can go wrong today!’ Little did he realise that things were just about to get a whole lot worse.
12:00 noon, 17th September, 2009- Three different delay announcements and two totally unrelated pit stops later his parents’ plane from Illinois had finally landed, albeit two hours late. Had Jerry not been so lost in his own world, he would have noticed a chilling difference in his father as his parents came through the gates. A difference any observant person would instantly have attributed to multiple chemotherapy sessions. Gosh! I hope this is the only setback I have today. He perfunctorily shook hands with his father and hugged his mom half heartedly as he started dragging them towards his car even before they’d gotten their first greetings out of their mouths.
12:15 pm, 17th September, 2009- Jeremy and Lily sat with downcast expressions at the back of Jerry’s dilapidated sedan as he drove towards Laila’s house. Other than telling them that he wanted them to meet his girlfriend (about whom he was serious so they’d better like her) they hadn’t gotten one single word out of him. “Jerry, your dad and I have been thinking...” began Lily but was cut off mid-sentence by her son; “not now mom. Just meet Laila and then we’ll talk later.” Despite the rebuff Jeremy made a renewed effort: “But son, what we have to talk to you about is important...” “NOTHING! NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY GRADUATION TODAY” bellowed Jerry.
1:00 pm, 17th September, 2009- He was still driving towards Laila’s house. The only difference was that the backseat of his car was empty now. An altercation, in which he was the one doing all the shouting with his mother trying to get a word or two in between and his father being completely silent resulted in a trip back to the airport and his parents returning to Illinois. I don’t give a fuck! I gave my everything to get here. Nothing’s going to spoil my special day now.
1:15 pm, 17th September, 2009- “Hey! Where are your parents?” exclaimed Laila as she saw a seething and alone Jerry standing on her porch. “They don’t give a shit about me! They just came here to show me that they care for me. As if I can’t see through their shallowness” said Jerry with sarcasm dripping from every word. Laila tried her best to calm Jerry down although to be honest she herself couldn’t find any fault with his parents’ behaviour. For now it was more important to get his anger in control and she knew exactly what had to be done.
2:00 pm, 17th September, 2009- It had worked like a charm. The tried and tested mixture of 2 portions vodka with 5 portions beer and a hint of rum was the magic motion which Jerry needed to get himself back into order. The only side effect was that Jerry tended to blabber quite a bit when under the influence of alcohol.
4:15pm, 17th September, 2009- DONOVAN LANDON! DUNIVANT TODD! Three to go now; two to go; one; ERIKSEN JERRY! This was it; his big moment; the moment when he could finally let go of every single burden from the past. He felt Laila give him a small push from behind, felt himself walk towards the stage in a daze, partly due to the alcohol and partly because he just couldn’t contain his excitement. “Congratulations! Young man.” He heard the guy in the blue tie say. Or was it the guy beside him in the red tie? Anyways it hardly mattered. This was about him. And he just couldn’t keep it in any longer. The alcohol, his already excited state of mind and no Laila on stage to hold him back; and he shouted out, “Yes! I did it. Look all you suckers! Look! I made it. You didn’t...” he continued shouting in the same vein until one of the on stage co-ordinators had the good sense to stop him.”Mr. Eriksen! Are you drunk?” asked one of the wizened old guys with incredulity. Jerry couldn’t really say anything in his defence. It was all out in the open. He was quickly escorted off stage, but the scene was far from over. It had just shifted to the director’s office now.
4:30 pm, 17th September, 2009- “Drunk during convocation! Never before in the illustrious history of this great institution has something so dishonourable happened. And that too in full public view? Preposterous...” the director blustered on and on at Jerry. Most of the stuff went over his head. The only fact which registered in his brain was “I screwed it up!” But the director’s next words definitely got him out of his reverie; “Suspended! For one semester......” He didn’t even hear the next part of his ‘sentence’, so shocked was he. The future he had carefully sculpted for himself had just disintegrated right in front of him.
5:00 pm, 17th September, 2009- “Get lost you bitch! You got me drunk. You’re the one who spoiled my entire life. Why did you do this to me? Why? Just go now. Go! Go! Go!” And Laila went; and never came back.
6:00 pm 17th September, 2009- Pitiably alone and drunk, Jerry was walking along one of the numerous boulevards in the campus; the campus he’d thought he’d be bidding adieu to today. To say he was depressed would be a huge understatement; it was almost as if he’d lost all purpose in life.
7:00 pm, 17th September, 2009- All of a sudden Jerry’s phone sprang to life. It took him a while to realise what was going on around him given his inebriated state. “Watsit?” he rasped without even looking at the number. A cold voice which pierced him though to his core answered back, “your father is dead. He had been suffering from cancer for the last one year and that’s what he wanted to tell you today. And yeah, by the way, don’t bother turning up for the funeral.”
7:01 pm, 17th September, 2009- Guilt. Heart wrenching guilt tore through Jerry. His father had come down to say goodbye to him one last time, and he’d just blown it. He now knew what it was to be the captain of a ship who had killed an albatross. And the worst part was, he now had no one to console him. Laila, the only person who’d always stood by him, who’d always been there was now gone.
“Dream until you dreams come true...” Jerry could clearly remember his dad’s voice as he pushed him on their porch swing. Well, he did dream. The only factor he didn’t consider was that there are some things and people who matter more than your dreams. Because when your dreams break, these are the people you fall back on. Jerry didn’t have anyone. He was alone.
He found himself climbing the stairs to the terrace. Cries of other people calling out to him to join to revelry fell on deaf ears. He was in an entirely different place now; where nothing and no one could reach him. The rooftop was a relief. It was quiet here. He knew what he had to do. It was the only way. He didn’t know how he knew. Jerry had never been much of a believer in God but now he had a strange feeling that God was the pied piper who was making him do this. Well he was thankful to God then. He felt the chilly wind blowing against his face, and the tears running down his cheeks. He looked around, saw the shimmering lights of the buildings around him, tried to take it all in one last time. And then, Jerry jumped. And it was all over.
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